Socially distant life-drawing

Covid in its wake brought separation and gloom, the silver lining however has been the time to zoom into Self. Hard for people like me who rely on connectivity, through life drawing and my healing practice, social distancing meant both these activities came to a standstill.

Days bled into one another and the man made concept of time got totally warped. Days felt like an ever so prolonged weekend. Gardening kept me very grounded, watching seeds germinate, creating time-lapse clips of dancing fresh sepals entetralled me. Online scrabble kept my mind ticking, quality time spent with my mother and sister was beautiful, a couch surfing guest stranded at my home gave me company, and I did a major spring clean using Olio. But I dearly missed drawing.

However fleeting or long it maybe, zoom provides that window to experience the much covetted into-me-you-see, intimacy!

Then a message from the blue –  Tom, a life model contacted me via instagram, appreciated my work and suggested to draw him. As I don’t particularly enjoy drawing from photographs, I was cynical of online platforms as a means to substitute drawing from life. His perseverance resulted in a long chat via Zoom, familiarising with his home setting, oceans apart, and I gave it a go. Thanks to him, my nervousness dissipated within the first twenty minutes, and since then, over the months I have enjoyed many a collaborative sessions with him. And, it opened me to accepting invitations from people in different neighbourhoods, cities and countries.

It meant working from a table in the main house  and not in my studio as wifi connection doesn’t go as far as that. The scale of the work became smaller, eyes were strained, marks became different. And how I wished one could zoom in on details and observe with the heavenly engineered eyes rather than a fixed camera with auto exposure. Having used zoom for a good few months now, a different sense prevails. I have come to accept the platform for what it is; digital, and use it to the best of its possibilities – shortcomings or blessings.

One aspect was clarified once and for all; far from being a still image- it is drawing from life, the person is breathing, and moving in all their vulnerability and strength . And most important of all, one can have uninterrupted conversations and exchange.  The connection is for real!! I perceive the world via energies. Connection is the vibration that exists between people when we are seen, heard and valued for who we are, with consent and without judgement. However fleeting or long it maybe, zoom provides that window to experience the much covetted into-me-you-see, intimacy!


Authenticity in art and life

At a recent gathering of fellow artists, someone asked if our art practice is authentic and seen as such. It made me wonder if too much importance was given to how others judge our authenticity or are are we the observer and judge of our own truth?

How others see and what they think is totally beyond our control, so why be concerned with that? On one hand there is intention of the artist and on the other hand its people at the receiving end. And if we were to consider our own truth, our truths are formed, sublimated over time, informed by our experience with others and it’s a work in progress. Complicated! And then of course there are fine lines to tread between, beg, borrow, steal, plagiarise…. though cultures would’ve never enriched each other if those were not in place (more on this another time).

However the question on art and authenticity directed me towards self, and kept me thinking. I feel, an expression intended with authenticity is a time based and contextual expression, the essence of which changes with the person creating it. Can one always guess the artist by looking at the mark making or work? One needs to have a forensic eye to chart the changes and ascertain the themes, typical motifs, colour, technique, subject or style that become recognisably the signature of an artist. And with time all of us change and so does the expression and work. May we regard the signature as no more important than a verification of identity institutions that require that sort of proof.

Krishna Murti was once questioned in his talks by a disgruntled member of audience, who pointed out and quoted something that was in contradiction to what Krishna had said a few years back. To this, he answered, “I am not what I was then. What I know now, I didn’t know then.”

We live, we un-learn and we evolve.

If we get trapped in a cycle or a pattern within our lives, then our expression/art will reference that over and over again. However, if the development is a trajectory of one’s authenticity, then the expression will change as we a mirror our evolution. At times, looking at older photographs of self, I wonder and struggle to recall who I was then. Certain nostalgia creeps in. And as some one said, we get nostalgic when we cant appreciate the present or don’t have the spirit to look forward to the future. However, visiting places or meeting others after a long gap, in the spirit of nostalgia, I wish them to remain the same — in the context that was once familiar. But it’s disingenuous. In the same way, if we like the work of a certain time period, we wish to see more of the same, because we understand the context of how it came about. Similar to that mythic first kiss that we once raptured over — we get nostalgic! And the artist is after all human. We receive appreciation or the work sells and instead of using our own inner filter and voice, we relish the idea that since the work was acknowledged, we continue to reproduce variants of the same. To stay true to one’s enquiry is one thing, to get attached to it is another. Best observed in most television series, or films, where actors/storylines become a cliché of themselves. Robert De Niro is a great actor, but when he plays/is required to play De Niro, joy and authenticity are lost. Being authentic is knowing your truth, the development and evolution follow its own path as we mindfully continue to grow.

Art is an expression of life and at this juncture of my life, I am only attracted to life drawing. What do I seek in people when asking them to model for me? Each person emanates certain energy. What we see is a reflection of us after all, and, I seek beauty in all its manifestations. Certain vibrations attract me, same way that bees have a heightened sense of colour and smell. I enjoy drawing those those whose potential is visible to me, but I can see they need a little nudge to be in total balance. Often it is the need to be seen for who they are, in their wholeness. In giving the nudge, they provide an insight to me that’s much needed in my own journey. And when I am true to my intentions, the exchange of energies is just sublime. The drawn or photographic portrait is a result of our energetic exchange and is authentic in that given moment in time. The pleasure is mutual!

As an artist, at times contradictions tear me apart. Do I continue to make work which gets most Instagram likes and appreciative messages on FB, or follow principles of what I once studied in the art schools, or to create works led by current trends or do what I can do best at the given time and follow my heart? In a seesaw of violent highs and lows, a reminder that life is not a competition. Be gently buoyant and keep the feet close to the ground, and stay in dialogue with self. What is my authenticity? I try my best to unlearn that which doesn’t serve me any more, detach from past interpretations to experience the world afresh with what I know now, disrupt my trends, and most importantly continue to play.



intimate self-portrait

As I kissed last of the guests good night after my birthday gathering, I could sense cold creeping up, my light and my shadow sentinels, stood motionless.

I felt weak and exhausted, torn between self-preservation and self-harm. Continue reading intimate self-portrait

Drawn from Life

This spring after a gap of over 30 years when I started to draw again, it was followed by, “Why did you stop in the first place?” There isn’t a straight forward answer to this, however I applaud my learning and un-learning that’s revitalised me to exhibit drawings for the first time in London.

From my teen years the prefix ‘mono’ left me craving for more. For me mono denies Abundance. Not that mono is good or bad per se, however, wether it be monogamy, monotheism, monopoly, monosyllabic, monologue or monolith, I have always had a propensity towards POLY. Whilst I adore the drama of the monochrome, I find Polychrome fantastic. While I respect a mono-theist’s singularity of belief, I believe in a universe of many Gods. All interconnected energies and faiths pass through my heart. I LOVE loving many. Pantheism feels aligned with my being. Continue reading Drawn from Life